Code Bus

For anybody who's been scanning the boards for possible job opportunities you'll have developed your own system for ranking job postings.

Some recruiters don't realize this and try to jazz up a dead-end job with marketing buzzwords. I call them suicide words: because you're only going to get people who are really really desperate for a job, and there's nothing like a low retention rate to kill off a recruitment consultant.

"Executive"

Translation: we want you to think this job is important, but really even a monkey could do it.

Four Trainee Executives

You'll enjoy a challenging and varied role in a professional environment where no two days are the same. After completing four to six months of intensive training you'll join an account team working closely with colleagues and clients to build long-term business relationships.

You will:

• Train clients to use software systems.
• Contribute to product testing.
• Liaise with technical departments.
• Provide application support over the telephone.

What you'll bring to the job:

• A degree.
• At least one year’s customer service experience.
• Commitment to high standards of customer service.
• Strong problem-solving skills.
• Ability to communicate with people at all levels.
• The desire to develop technical knowledge under your own steam.
• A liking for teamwork.

Translation...

Trainee Support?

We need somebody to click buttons, answer the phone and talk balding middle managers through simple tasks.

You will:

• Get the blame.
• Deal with buggy software day in & day out.
• Hand-hold people over the same tasks over the phone.

What you'll bring to the job:

• A beating heart, preferably your own.
• Ability to remember & re-gurgitate stuff.
• Basic computer skills
• No aspirations

Please, to any recruitment consultants out there... this could be re-written with a little thought and transformed into something much better. In reality there are very few people who will look at the job posting and think "Brilliant, just the job for me".

If it were re-phrased, targeting people who want temporary 6 month contracts doing generally computer literate firstline support, with opportunities to move up the ladder into more interesting jobs - then it's appealing to both gap year students, graduates and people looking for temp-ish work etc.

Just for the record, this has no relation to a recent job posting